So many times recently, I have found myself letting fear speak to me. I know better and I haven’t agreed with fear but it’s been a fight to keep fear out. Fear is a very strong force and can instantly change you from stable to crazy. I have overcome a lot of fear in my life and I’m so thankful for this…but I know I still have a long ways to go! I’ll share this story as an example: at the beginning of this whole virus pandemic we’re in, I was discussing with my neighbor about how we were going to handle our kids playing together or not during this time. We got to talking about what was happening and what we had heard and by the time we were done I was so fearful I came inside and started crying. I shut all our curtains and sat and cried feeling completely uncertain and hopeless. Well, after a few minutes of this one of my boys walked in the room and was asking me about something and almost instantly I became clear headed and just fine. I looked at the closed blinds and thought back on this experience and literally had the thought, “what in the world was I thinking?” I felt crazy! I could clearly realize how strong the spirit of fear was that took over. I believe, and have believed for some time now, that fear is a spirit and definitely one you don’t want to partner or agree with. Even if you don’t believe fear is a spirit, you will agree it has a strong force that it carries. Healthy fear is different and is necessary, so listening to healthy fear is obviously good. It’s the unhealthy, paralyzing, “what if” fear that we don’t want to listen to…I regularly speak out and meditate on the 1 John 4:18 that says “there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear,” and ask God to fill me with His perfect love to protect me from fear. I also am learning to not let the “what if” thoughts take over and to remember to pause and ask the Lord what He thinks about what’s going on. Has anyone else experienced how strong and overwhelming fear can instantly make you feel? I’d love to hear your experiences with fear and ways you’ve found that help you to keep fear out!
The 3 P’s…
I have a hard time attempting to do anything that I feel I can’t do perfectly…this has really limited me for a long time. When my oldest son was a baby I remember hearing about a family in which the mom read a whole bunch of stories to her kids as their main educational tool, there was a picture i saw of her and her kids relaxing on the couch together with books around them. Something in me knew this was what I wanted for myself and my family. I remember resenting school growing up , I hated being stuck in the classroom when there was a huge, beautiful world outside the window waiting for me to explore and soak up the sunshine and fresh air! Deep down this desire would never leave, although I put my oldest and later, youngest sons into private school. For reasons I can hardly believe now, I didn’t think I had what it takes to homeschool my children. What I’m going to share here are the 3 huge obstacles, which all happen to start with the letter p, that kept me in so much bondage. The first I mentioned at the beginning of the blog, perfectionism. I thought in order to homeschool, or do so many other things in life, I had to do everything perfectly. The second p is performance, this expectation of myself told me I would absolutely have to perform in a way that showed me doing everything perfectly…oh my goodness this was a lot to carry! Last but definitely not least is people pleasing. Others’ expectations of me and how my husband and I were raising our boys and doing life, combined with the perfectionism and performance pressures I placed on myself made homeschooling way too out of reach for me to be able to do. My oldest son went to private school, preschool through 2nd grade, and my youngest, preschool and kindergarten. I ended up meeting a new friend at my church who homeschooled her two boys. She talked about her homeschool and the reasons she chose to do it and I knew I wanted to go ahead and try it. This friend presented her resources and plans in a way that made it sound simple. Of course, homeschooling is not simple but if you choose to let it be a journey of growing together and relationship focused, it feels natural and gives a deep meaning to learning. I was scared but we went for it. I’m not going to lie…the first year was challenging as we transitioned from “school” to “homeschool”. I learned that for us trying to do traditional school at home did not work. We’ve been homeschooling now for 3 years and I’ve learned so much from each year and make changes and improvements to our schedules and plans as we need. I never would have dreamed that I could homeschool but now I’m so satisfied and happy with it, it’s even better than I could have known when I saw that picture of the mom reading with her kids. My boys and I enjoy reading out loud together and reading alone. We read on the patio, in the front yard in the shade of our tree, in the living room comfortable on the couch, and around the dining table together and it truly is wonderful time spent together. Also, I never was much of a reader before homeschooling but in the last three years I’ve read so many books, I read for enjoyment now! We are on the homeschooling journey of constant learning together and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My hope is that this blog encourages you to realize you can do it, whatever it is you’ve not tried from listening to fears and hesitation. My guess would be that one or all of these p words I’ve talked about have something to do with you not doing what you’re called to do. YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER, YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO! Be blessed!
Boundaries! They are life changing…
Until recently, I never really heard anything about boundaries, or I may have but never paid attention! My husband and I got married young and started having children. About the time my kids were 4 years and 2 years old I met a new friend, this friend would introduce me to some major truths I had never heard of. I had the view that keeping everyone, as far as family and friends, happy and pleased with me was what my goal should be, to always keep the peace. When my husband and I would make a choice other than what was wanted by others, there would be confrontation that was very unhealthy. I’m thankful to realize this now since my friend shared about what boundaries are and about a book called just that, “Boundaries,” by Dr. Henry Cloud. I read this book and felt so liberated in regard to myself, my family, and our feelings, needs, and wants! I couldn’t believe this was actually healthy and that in many ways, how I felt was actually healthy and right…I’ve been on and will be on the journey to healthier boundaries and more freedom always, but I am extremely thankful for how far I’ve come over the last ten years! I love the fact that the more I work on my own health in any area of life, the more it transfers to my family. The things I conquer will be the starting line for my kids to be able to go so much further by my age!